Salad Fingers

HIS FINGERS ARE SO SEXY!!! (His spoon doesn't do that much for me)

Oh...WOW! I can't believe you would do something like this....

Anywayz...I ahd to post something on your blog, and instead of saying "I'll do it later." Here it is! Haha...

Stephen, your blog is very entertaining! Id like to learn more about circles and hippos! Im just letting you know that I am very interested in learning more about your life with the hippos, it seems very great indeed! Peace out and hope you like all the random crap I talk about :D!

Hi

We have some of the same things in common. I love skittles, especially sour skittles. Your blog is great!!!! I like squares and circles. Catch you on the flip side, and be sure to keep TASTING THE RAINBOW!!!

I Love Chuck Norris

WILL YOU MARRY ME?????!!!!!

What's Up With All These Posts?

So, as all of you might know, we have to make 2 posts per each blog - and, when you do the math (considering that there's around 11 or 12 people in the class), the total number of posts comes around to about 22 or 24 total posts. Now, I'm no expert on posting stuff, but how are we supposed to make 22-24 posts? I'm pretty sure that that's not humanly possible (I mean, it is possible - only if you're suffering from a brain hematoma and/or are stuck in a freakin' chair like Stephen Hawking). Wouldn't it make more sense to limit the number of total posts to, maybe like, 5 or 6? No offense, but 24 posts seems a tad too harsh - so, in good fun, here's a list of things that I would rather do than make 22-24 (22, 23, AND INCLUDING 24) posts:

1. Eat a stick.

2. Get hit by a blimp.

3. Cross the border into Mexico.

4. Be an unwilling organ donor.

5. Listen to Kamen's random crap.

Why I Like Squares

This post is pretty self-explanatory. Enjoy!

1. Windows and Bob the Builder building blocks are shaped like squares.

2. If you take out the first letter and add the letter 'h', you get "hquares".

3. They taste like macaroni and cheese that someone has sat on.

4. The square is the cure for elephant diabetes.

5. The square causes diabetes in tusk-wielding animals.

6. Disregard numbers 4 and 5.

7. A square is, like, a shape or something.

8. They are the shape of every computer in this room (except for the ones that are not shaped like squares).

9. I talk to squares at night, sometimes in the daytime, and mostly at midday.

10. Squares.

I Like Hippos

I, for one, am not ashamed to admit my love of hippos. Their ginormous, rotund bodies are truly a spectacle, swirling all around in the murky waters of the marsh - enticing and frightening all at the same time. Their glistening teeth are so smooth and attractive, drawing any observer's gaze into its wide, playful eyes. Their blubberful bodies are massive portraits of beauty and grace, like a lollipop that is half-eaten or a piece of cheese that someone has stepped on. To be honest, I would like to have a love affair with a hippo, to be fully committed to his/her every want and need. I can just see myself with a 600-lb. hippo, frolicking in the sun and/or having a picnic in the dewy meadows of Camp Obakneowierwreiwrweriee and/or sharing a bear claw and/or cherry danish. I also think about dressing a hippo up in beige makeup and a powdered wig. Having fun with a hippo is all I think about, all I dream about, all I feel every single moment of every single day. Can't you feel it? Just to be sitting there, giving a hippo a back rub, caught in the moment - this is what I live for. This is it. Now, some people might frown upon my secret desires, but to them I say: Don't discriminate against me just because I love hippos. My love is pure and natural, a genuine love which transcends space and time. Some people might harbor feelings for their spouse or child, but not me - I like hippos instead.

What's Up With Ovaltine

Have you had some Ovaltine lately? You know what I'm talking about - this stuff is great. But ... why do they call it Ovaltine? The cap is round, the bottle is round - they should call it Roundtine.

What Would a Rainbow Taste Like?.

I enjoy looking at rainbows and other visually-appealing natural phenomenon. But, to be honest, I would also like to eat a rainbow - this, in all its multi-colored glory, is my greatest dream and will be my greatest accomplishment. So, without further ado, I present my guide to eating a rainbow:



1. Look for a rainbow - it will usually be in the sky after it rains.

2. Do five handstands in the middle of the street with two pairs of pants on and five belts wrapped around your head.

3. Find an old lady with a $5 marble rye and steal it from her. As you run away, make sure to call her an old bag.

4. I don't know why you're even reading this post - just stop while you can.

5. Take a picture of the rainbow on a Panaroma X93484SUSDAF-23041329403-ASDFSFAD camera. They're sold at your nearby Walgreens.

6. Find a pizza oven.

7. Place the picture of the rainbow in the pizza oven at a 45-degree angle.

8. Lift the pizza oven over your head while reciting the Preamble of the Constitution.

9. Go to Mexico, where you'll probably get robbed by a drug lord.

10. Buy a pack of Skittles.

11. Repeat steps 3-4 5 times and steps 7-8 5 times each until steps 6-7, which you must repeat 3 and/or 4 times, are completed after steps 2 and 7.

12. Eat the Skittles.

STOP USING ALL CAPS FONT

I, FOR ONE, STAND FIRMLY AGAINST THE USE OF ALL-CAPS FONT. PEOPLE WHO WRITE IN THIS FONT ARE SELF-IMPORTANT JERKS, IDIOTS, AND ELITISTS - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE/IS/WERE/WILL BE. WHENEVER I READ SOMETHING THAT'S WRITTEN IN ALL-CAPS FONT, I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING A MOOSE IN THE FACE. THAT'S RIGHT - I PUNCH ANIMALS WITH MY FIST AND/OR FISTS AND/OR MULTIPLE FISTS (IF I'M EVER REINCARNATED AS SOMEONE WHO HAS MULTIPLE FISTS) OF HATRED AND SELF-DEGRADING VIOLENCE. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEL LIKE WRITING IN ALL-CAPS FONT, THINK OF A MOOSE GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE. NOW, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT NOBODY WANTS TO SEE A MOOSE GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE OR KICKED IN THE REAR HINDLEG (THIS DETAIL IS ADDED FOR EXTRA EFFECT) - IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT. AND, IF YOU THINK THAT I'M KIDDING, THEN YOU'RE DEAD WRONG. IF YOU EVER HAND ME SOMETHING IN ALL-CAPS FONT, I WILL DRIVE THE FULL NINE HOURS TO NOVA SCOTIA, SET UP CAMP, WAIT FOR FIVE MONTHS UNTIL WINTER, FIND A MOOSE, AND PUNCH IT STRAIGHT IN THE FACE. IN THE FACE. STRAIGHT. IN. THE. FACE. BUT WAIT, I'M NOT DONE YET. NOT ONLY WILL I PUNCH A MOOSE IN THE FACE, I WILL TAKE A PICTURE OF ME PUNCHING A MOOSE IN THE FACE AND UPLOAD IT TO SOME OBSCURE BLOG (LIKE THIS ONE). THEN, I WILL WAKE YOU UP AT 4:00 A.M. IN THE MORNING, LOG ON TO YOUR COMPUTER, AND FORCE YOU TO WITNESS THE MOOSE-PUNCHING ATROCITY THAT I HAVE AND/OR HAD AND/OR HAVEN (IS THAT A WORD?) COMMITTED. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK ABOUT WRITING IN ALL-CAPS FONT, JUST DON'T - YOU MIGHT WANTA TRY SAVING A MOOSE'S LIFE INSTEAD.

Why I Like Circles

10 Reasons to Like Circles

1. They are round and smooth-edged.

2. They are shaped like eyeballs and/or bicycle tires.

3. They are the only shape that starts with the letter 'C'.

4. Pac-Man - need I say more?

5. They don't start or end - they're just there.

6. The circle was nominated by the Whig Party in 1973 - unfortunately, the square was put on the party ticket instead.

7. The circle produced Melrose Place for the first five seasons - unfortunately, he/she/it was fired for unknown reasons.

8. The circle can lift five times its weight.

9. The circle is the most popular shape in any geometry class.

10. The circle mowed my lawn.